So you biffed it? Well, get back up!

        The other day on campus, I was going along with my HUGE artist board (no joke it takes over the whole right side of my body, Artist can understand;) haha)  and projects under my arms as my leg suddenly said, “Get ready Amanda, things are about to get interesting”. I have spasms in my legs at least once a day, if not several times a day, and they come so fast without warning. So there I was, on my butt, in the middle of the courtyard with paper scattered all around me. At first I laughed, and then I realized I had no way to get back up! It seemed on that day that campus was a ghost town – it being a Friday during the summer, people out doing their own thing.  So I climbed to my nearest friendly cement pole and it was happy to lend me some help.  Yes picture a girl crawling across the cement, in the courtyard, on a college campus.  It was quite an adventure. 

           It was pouring rain. I use to like rainy days, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve enjoyed them only when I could stay inside and lounge on the couch. All the operations they’ve done to enable me to walk have worn out my muscles, and with the arthritis, I fall in rain puddles, which you could call enjoying puddle jumping I guess. haha ;) 

I’ve really biffed it physically – whether it’s down stairs, upstairs, on drive ways, on cross walks, in the middle of class, or on a stage in a choir concert. Ha-ha.  But I’ve also had my share of biffing it mentally and emotionally. All growing up, I made it seem to my family and others around me that it didn’t bother me much that I couldn’t run or jump or hike much or a lot of the sports I wanted to. I tried soccer for a year, dance for several years, but It became clear to me I wasn’t going to stay caught up and it’s become even more clear how much it does bother me.

(Throwing it back to 4th grade)

The only sport that my physical therapist said was off limits was basketball.  Even the sound of the words off limits or limitations gets me super stubborn. The word limitation means a limiting condition, restrictive weakness, lack of capacity. I’ve thought but why not? Or too bad, I’m going to do it anyways but if you think about it, we all have our own weaknesses, we all have different capacities, whether it’s physical or mental.  Yes It’s been a dream of mine to play basketball, yes growing up I would beg my mom to buy me black Nike basketball shoes in elementary school, yes I’ve been obsessed with the NBA growing up. I dreamed of meeting John Stockton, the Mailman, or even Michael Jordan but I know that God blessed me with the ability to walk and with other abilities he knew I really would need.  I know that God is real and I know I am one of his children just like all of us are – no matter our abilities, limitations, beliefs, disabilities and even our struggles. We are not defined by or limitations. He blesses us with different abilities, so instead of playing basketball I decided I would coach it. Even though I did fulfill my dream coaching doesn’t mean it doesn’t still suck that I couldn't play or dribble or shot on the team. It doesn’t take away the pain of falling down. But the truth is – we’re all going to biff it one way or another - on campus, on a school test that you studied really hard for, a program we didn’t make it into, or in a relationship you SWORE was going to work out. The question isn’t whether you will biff it or not, it’s whether you’ll biff it and stay down, or biff it and get back up again. I used to think I had to hold back tears to be tough, to erase all evidence of my “biffs.” But now I know being tough isn’t hiding your weakness, it’s putting one foot in front of the other with a smile, and getting back up again.