Is Happiness a Choice?

    In my life there have been a few turning points where I had to choose to be happy.  

    Just a few days ago, I invited friends and strangers alike to sign a paint-splattered sheet with the word “happiness” plastered across the top – a material invitation to reflect on the things that make life wonderful. Some put “my wife and kids,” others, “the sunshine on my face,” and the obvious “listening to Michael Jackson” (haha, that was me). Amidst the vibrant colors and scribbled sharpie, there was one phrase that caught my eye from a new friend Landon: “happiness is a choice.” 

  I thought about that. In fact, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My life has been full of struggle. School breaks are prime-time for doctor dates and Christmas always comes accompanied with a new scar (or two, or three). Surgery has become as routine as brushing my teeth, but this last one left me angry at my circumstance. Everyone tells me how they look up to my optimism in life, and here I was, angry at life. I thought, “If I am angry and sad, I am a bad person, because happiness is a choice.”

    In this surgery the doctors broke my femur and put it back together – straight this time. They put a plate and 8 screws straight through the bone. It was as painful as it sounds. I would make amazing progress in therapy, only to pull a muscle and be set back 5 days in an already 6 month recovery.  To boot, I took 5 of the 100 oxycodone pills prescribed for the pain – they make me sick, and I have a pretty high tolerance for pain anyway. I would keep going to physical therapy, but the winter slowed me down – I would easily slip and fall on the ice and pull another muscle. I thought to myself, “I am 25. The financial drain of school and surgeries has left me nowhere close to graduating. I’ve changed my major a thousand times. I want to be out with my friends, I want to be riding my sweet bike. I want people to look at me and think I was amazing not just because I am on my 17th surgery, but because I’m me.” Many nights, I just cried myself to sleep. It was one-woman pity party marathon.

    I am Christian – a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe in a Savior. I know Jesus Christ died not only for my sins, but also for my pain. So I prayed. In my prayer, I asked him between sobs, “is it possible to be both happy and sad?” I was trying so hard to be happy and optimistic, but that night I learned that although happiness is a choice, pain is a reality. Of course it is possible to be both happy and sad. We are all far from perfect – and we have to give ourselves a break. In my moments of greatest physical and mental weakness, I had to take time for myself to heal. I had to realize that I am Amanda Brown  - I am both weak and strong, sad and happy, human and blessed.

         Happiness is a choice, but it’s a constant choice. It’s a choice you make knowing life isn’t going to be hunky-dory all the time. You are going to be down. You’re going to be sad, and frustrated, and maybe even angry. So, do all the small things like listening to MJ, being with your family, or whatever lifts your spirit – but realize that happiness is an inside job – a process.  It’s not a choice others can make for you. At the end of the day – it’s your happiness.
Love, 
 aMaNdA

The Secret Life of Amanda Brown

    So the reason for the title of this post is that I LOVE the movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty ! In the  movie he often spaces out into his own world. That is something I feel has became a pattern in my life.  Day dreaming you could call it but for me I wanted to stop the day dreaming, stop feeling stuck and do something that Ive always secretly wanted to do and that is make a difference even if its starting somewhere small and letting it grow .  So the secret is out.  I want to start a project called AMANDAS PROJECT HAPPINESS.
    My name is Amanda Brown. Im 25 and I was born with Mild Cerebral Palsy. CP is a condition marked by impaired muscle coordination (spastic paralysis) and/or other disabilities, typically caused by damage to the brain before or at birth.  That is the simplest definition I have seen without being to vague. Ive had 17 surgeries. The doctors told my mom I would never walk but my mom said oh she will walk.  So look at me now. I am walking. So what really do the doctors know right?;) well maybe a few things.  
   I started writing my thoughts into a book over six months ago when I had a major surgery on my femur when I was down and depressed about where my life was and figuring out who I really was. Just like all of you, Ive had different struggles in my life but its not all of what my life is about. There is ALOT to happiness.  Ive decided to be brave and follow a dream of mine to share about my life and what makes me happy through writing my story in a book, a blog, and social media.  I want to carry out different projects throughout the community and through out the world with different activities and what I like to call helping projects.  I never liked the word service project not that there is anything wrong with the word but Ive always liked the word helping better because at times I felt like that service "project" to others.  Even though I know people have always had the best intentions I like the word helping projects. WE We are all here to help each other out. So this is why I am calling it Amandas Project Happiness. 
    Really I just love people and love to make people happy. I hope that I can make some kind of difference in sharing my story. Ive felt strongly about this for a while now and here it goes. You gotta start somewhere right?  Its definitely a process but where will you get if you dont reach and jump the highest and the best you can to your dreams. Even if it seems a little crazy. Start with small simple things and build it up.
    I want to involve people because that is a big part of what makes me happy.  I know everyone has a wonderful story to share because there are so many that have inspired me. I hope you will share with me what makes you happy. So go go go share with me your story.   
You can follow me on Instagram: @amandasprojecthappiness 

Or like and follow my page on Facebook - message me there: 
Amandas Project Happiness. 


LOVE, aMaNdA