Why It Saved My Life

As many of you know, I am writing a book.  This book has been a growing experience for me - something to make me brave and share my story.  I know that as we all share our story, though we may believe different things, we can inspire each other.  I know I have been inspired by the stories of others. 

Why I decided to share my story. 

Several people kept telling me that my attitude was contagious and that I should write a book. The truth is, I was scared to write because I didn’t want people to see the real me.  Growing up I had a surgery every year and every year people told me how amazing and strong I was.  I kept a good attitude until I got to my last surgery. The doctors broken my femur and put it back together straighter than before. I had to relearn to walk all over again. It was the hardest surgery that I had ever had - and not because of the broken femur.

I became really anxious and depressed.  Growing up I would have really high highs and then really low lows but I just ignored it and thought I was being dramatic emotional and silly. I got so stuck, those close to me were telling me to see a therapist. I thought they thought I was crazy.  I wanted to just fix my problems with optimism, but I realized there was something going on inside of me I couldn’t fix all by myself, so I started writing.  I started honestly reading the Book of Mormon and seeing if I honestly had a testimony in this church that I had grown up in all my life. 

I discovered you can't do it all by yourself.  You are not meant to do it all by yourself.  Why in the world would a Father in Heaven put you here in an earth that is changing all the time and often really scary?  Why would he leave you alone?  They call him our loving Heavenly Father, right?  He created you, right?  Reading the book of Mormon gave me a testimony that I am not here alone.  He sent me here on earth to learn and grow and during that growing experience I had to learn some of the biggest hardest lessons.  That is his plan.  He wants us to be happy.  Growing up I told myself that this physical pain, 16 surgeries, was a piece of cake, what I later learned is that emotional and spiritual pain for me was not the easy stuff. It was an experience where I had to give everything to the Lord and say, "Yes! I have an imperfect body, I have anxiety and I have depression, but with God's help I can live a happy life. I’m not a broken person, though sometimes I feel I am with broken legs or a broken heart. God has not only put people in my life to help me through it but he has put a book that has saved my life many times - The Book of Mormon.   Reading it everyday helps me learn the qualities of my Savior being humble and realizing that the Lord put doctors and medicine there for a reason.  I couldn’t do it by myself.

The Book of Mormon teaches me about the life of Christ.  It has shown me certain attributes that Jesus Christ has that I want to have and that it’s a lifetime process.  I am learning and were all learning in our different lives and different circumstances.  I just hope that we would all know that we are not here alone.

Scars Deeper .Number 22

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue that replace normal skin after injury. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues of the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process. 

Scarring is a NATURAL part of the HEALING process.  Isn’t that interesting for some of us look at scars physically on our body that we see as ugly what we think is a UNNATURAL ugly mark and compare ourselves to what we think we should be like and look like.  One of my favorite sayings is “ Comparison is the thief of Joy.” 

I’ve learned a lot about scars through my life.  I got number 22 today.  To be honest I have so many that I may have forgotten to count one or two haha . What I have learned is that it is something that we all have if its something physically a scar you can see or a scar that can not be physically seen, if its something hiding from a shirt or sweater or a scar that’s on our heart.

For some of us our “ SCARS” Run deeper then any physical visible wound.  We all have times in our lives where we see ourselves broken and its way to hard to pick up the pieces.  We are afraid we are not worth.  We are afraid we have done too much.  We are afraid we are not worth it. We are also afraid that people might see those pieces and judge us.  Our anxiety starts to go up, we start to blame ourselves for even being wounded, and we think how can I ever really get over this.  Well you can! It’s not this light bulb that just comes on but it’s an hour-by-hour, day-by-day and even moment-by moment process sometimes.

That is why we have scars; it’s a natural piece of the healing process.  This scar is going to be visible for the rest of my life.  But those scars are going to tell a story; they are going to tell who you really are.  They will bring you the biggest pain and have brought you the biggest sorrow but with those scars always comes the joy because joy always comes after sorrow. 

      I’ve had strangers and friends come up to me telling me that they have read this blog and we have had discussion on why they should even read these thoughts when we believe so differently.  We may believe in different things and agree or disagree on certain things but one thing I do know is that we ALL came from a loving God our Heavenly Father who sent his son Jesus Christ to ATONE for our sins and for our sorrows.  One day we will be able to feel those prints in his hands from his scars, from his death and we will KNOW that it was for each of us such an individual way I KNOW that He lives. I know that He loves us!  He is the comforter that doesn’t wash those scars away but he is the comforter that brings us that strength we need to continue that healing process. And not overnight.  To look back on those scars and say that we fought that fight and now we have something beautiful to remind us of how we changed to be more like him our Savior Jesus Christ.  We became a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter/son, and a better husband/wife. A better person.  One before thing before I sign off I was reading this book about Jesus Christ atonement and it said this

“  The Saviors love was not a love for the righteous only; it was not a abstract love; nor was it demonstrated by one dramatic sacrificial act and nothing more.  To the Contrary, it was a day-by-day, hour-by-hour, even moment-by-moment love! It was love that stretched from premortality into eternity.  It was a love that thoughtfully prepared a little fire of coals with fish and bread for hungry and tired disciples as they emerged from an exhausting night of fishing on the Sea of Galilee.  It was a love that blessed little children, healed the sick and offered hope to the hopeless.  It was a love that reached out to every individual as he or she was and lifted them to higher ground.  Love was exhibited in every conscious, waking moment of his mortal life.  Love flowed from every pore, every thought, and every act.  As naturally and regularly as we seek air, he sought to bless.  Again and again in those moments of physical exhaustion and pressing “ agendas” He was there for the one –to listen, to love and to bless.  His entire life was an acculation of acts of love, capped by the most significant of all- his atoning sacrifice.  “ 

These wounds stretch us, and those scars are part of what heals us.  It’s what real beauty is.  BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL.