Why It Saved My Life

As many of you know, I am writing a book.  This book has been a growing experience for me - something to make me brave and share my story.  I know that as we all share our story, though we may believe different things, we can inspire each other.  I know I have been inspired by the stories of others. 

Why I decided to share my story. 

Several people kept telling me that my attitude was contagious and that I should write a book. The truth is, I was scared to write because I didn’t want people to see the real me.  Growing up I had a surgery every year and every year people told me how amazing and strong I was.  I kept a good attitude until I got to my last surgery. The doctors broken my femur and put it back together straighter than before. I had to relearn to walk all over again. It was the hardest surgery that I had ever had - and not because of the broken femur.

I became really anxious and depressed.  Growing up I would have really high highs and then really low lows but I just ignored it and thought I was being dramatic emotional and silly. I got so stuck, those close to me were telling me to see a therapist. I thought they thought I was crazy.  I wanted to just fix my problems with optimism, but I realized there was something going on inside of me I couldn’t fix all by myself, so I started writing.  I started honestly reading the Book of Mormon and seeing if I honestly had a testimony in this church that I had grown up in all my life. 

I discovered you can't do it all by yourself.  You are not meant to do it all by yourself.  Why in the world would a Father in Heaven put you here in an earth that is changing all the time and often really scary?  Why would he leave you alone?  They call him our loving Heavenly Father, right?  He created you, right?  Reading the book of Mormon gave me a testimony that I am not here alone.  He sent me here on earth to learn and grow and during that growing experience I had to learn some of the biggest hardest lessons.  That is his plan.  He wants us to be happy.  Growing up I told myself that this physical pain, 16 surgeries, was a piece of cake, what I later learned is that emotional and spiritual pain for me was not the easy stuff. It was an experience where I had to give everything to the Lord and say, "Yes! I have an imperfect body, I have anxiety and I have depression, but with God's help I can live a happy life. I’m not a broken person, though sometimes I feel I am with broken legs or a broken heart. God has not only put people in my life to help me through it but he has put a book that has saved my life many times - The Book of Mormon.   Reading it everyday helps me learn the qualities of my Savior being humble and realizing that the Lord put doctors and medicine there for a reason.  I couldn’t do it by myself.

The Book of Mormon teaches me about the life of Christ.  It has shown me certain attributes that Jesus Christ has that I want to have and that it’s a lifetime process.  I am learning and were all learning in our different lives and different circumstances.  I just hope that we would all know that we are not here alone.